TheManintheHat

Lumi, I don't know quite where to start. What you've got here is powerful. It's abstract, letting the reader draw they're own connections. It's vivid, showing your skill with wordwork. ...

Hello Teamdelware, I have only a few comments to give here, so I'll make it quick. The beginning: there didn't seem to be any organization and that took away some ...

I'm not a fan of biology, but I thought that your idea of genetic judgement was good one. Original, in my limited experience. The emotions of the little boy were ...

Hi Squirrely It's always nice to read a story like yours. It has a simple, sweet plotline and a host of relateable characters. There are, however, some things that I ...

I'm going to have to agree with Elinor with this one. Chelsea's sudden contact with God was, although nicely written, not something I could take seriously. Remember: just because it's ...

To be honest, all the advice I could give has already been given, but what I still feel you should definately do is expand on what you've written. I love ...

First thing's first: well done! I really like your descriptions and the idea of a shady father-figure you've created. However, ther is one little thing I would like to point ...