-
Re: Gathering Magicks
Gathering Magicks A pedagogue came rolling down upon the other morn, questioning my flavor text and jesting but wit scorned – So many throwaways and blotted strike-through lines cluttered drifting ...
Jan 18, 2012 -
Re: Great Review Challenge Challenges!
Aww, why didn't I see this thread until now?
Jan 13, 2012 -
Re: YWS: Apollo Updates Thread
NATE: For every hour the Literary Works area is not complete, someone kicks a kitten. You must rectify this. (No kittens were harmed in the sending of this message.)
Jan 13, 2012 -
Re: At Night
This was somewhat cool. This is a very, very simple poem, and that's good! I can see this being published in some good book of poems for children. You have ...
Jan 13, 2012 -
Re: old moon
Certainly a good base for construction. Pronoun trouble: most of the pronouns I found very difficult to conclusively link back to a noun or nouns. Clarity is really hurt; also, ...
Jan 12, 2012 -
Re: The Needy Decomposer
Well, the poem itself is certainly (de)composed well. Some quick notes on things that jumped out: - "much" in the second line does not particularly work; grammatically it is fine, ...
Jan 10, 2012 -
Re: Hell Fire
'spolding' ... might as well have said 'smouldering,' ya know, or 'smoulding' if you were determined to have the fake word. Okay poem otherwise. A few things jumped out as ...
Jan 10, 2012 -
Re: Equations, or Life as a Rhombus
Equations, or Life as a Rhombus To be no one, act as everyone, and subtract anyone you meet. Make a soul by slowly roasting the heart, before peeling it off. ...
Jan 10, 2012 -
Re: Streams (New Version)
Lovely. The comma in the third line needs to go, methinks. But otherwise I whole-heartedly approve of the addition of punctuation. Although a piece so much about flow might well ...
Jan 10, 2012 -
Re: Oh How It Grows Weary
This was fairly nice, but not perfect. Okay, review time. The extension of his arm split the air in two, filling itself with a lot less than that of pride. ...
Jan 10, 2012 -
Re: First Impressions of Madness
Nice. First off, grammar slips are plentiful throughout, and they really distracted me from reading what is an otherwise gorgeously-constructed piece. Go through and seek them out, eliminate them, and
Jan 10, 2012 -
Re: Your almost 'impossible' wishes.
Reality-warping powers. >=D
Jan 9, 2012 -
Re: The Silent Dancer
This was neat. The title is a bit too serious for my tastes, considering your tone and subject matter. But, I can't think of many silly ways to say "Silent ...
Jan 9, 2012 -
Re: Only On YWS...
Agree with inkwell, the peer pressure thing is ubiquitous. And if I may add, only on YWS: ... is TV Tropes a top-tier encyclopedia ... are the mods humble and ...
Jan 8, 2012 -
Re: Cleaning Us Up
Good-looking poem. Now first thing, I don't think you needed an explanation at all down there after the poem, and certainly not such a detailed one. We readers appreciate figuring ...
Jan 7, 2012
