Tenyo

"George Bush:- A puppet sold at most retailers." Hehehe. It's all funny, and very witty, but I'd suggest putting some light humour in there too, just to break it up ...

Nice work. I like how naturally surreal this is. Your writing style seems unique, but raw. You've still got a few things to learn, but this is a great starting ...

Ah! So big! First things first, you need to break up the paragraphs. They don't look like they're going to be much fun to read, and there's little variation. Appearances ...

(Contains swearing, and many negative vibes. My inner creativity is playing hide and seek, so I need someone to rip this apart and yell at me to make it better.) ...

Interesting. It's simple enough to read without being bored by the overly complicated expressions that seem to come with this kind of work, but it's still got enough of a ...

(Feel free to correct me if this doesn't work.) *Peri* 'What happens if you die?' Peri repeated the question. 'I could show you if I had a volunteer?' He glanced ...

Name: Jackie Rie Age: 13, close to 14 Gender: Male Personality: Kind of like a puppy. He's gentle and naive, but also protective and territorial. He's loving and will go ...

Interesting style of writing. It seems unique, although not fully developed yet. That's alright though, it'll work itself out in time. You tend to overuse some words, in the earlier ...

It does seem kind of funny to critique something like this, but I completely agree with valentine. As a piece, it's not really something that seems like it's written for ...

Unfortunately i don't have access to any decent programs and microsoft word complains about some licence thing, so I can't really upload it all in full, with colourful edits and ...

"There's a page every day, Till they all build up with my sorrows they stay" These lines don't seem to make much sense, it seems a little like it's there ...

*Peri* He rubbed his head and fixed his hair. Okay, so being short was bad enough, but just to add insult to injury he just got stepped on. Literally, stepped ...

Name: Peri Age: 12 Appearance: Looks more like a tomboy than an actual boy Hair - Black, shoulder length with a side part Eyes - Blue, with funny little lines, ...

I'm not sure whether it was intentional or not, but you really need to work out the end of the lines. Some seem to rhyme, some don't, the worst are ...

I agree with WD. Start a small project just to finish it. Once you've finished one, you can finish any. I also found that narrating uber-sized plots helps a lot. ...