Tenyo

*Peri* Depleting health wasn't the only problem they had to face. These snowstorms where designed to be near impossible to get through. Peri started walking forward. The time between healing ...

Please, don't feel offended by this, but are you English? Your work sounds like it's been put through a lingual translater; and not a good one. I can decipher some ...

(( I'm still in. Jackie's just going to lull around the island until someone arrives, or needs a ride from the mainland.))

Ouch! What a bitter ending. Critique time. The rhythm in the last line of verse one made me stumble a bit. It seems to have a beat too many. In ...

Awesome! I read the first verse and thought "Oh dear, this is going to need work," but after reading to the end, the first verse makes a lot of sense. ...

Okay, icky stuff first. "Dark, unleashing, indefinite." Sentences need to have a beginning and an end. This is just three words strung together. You should combine it with the first ...

*Peri* Perhaps it was a new addition to the game, or perhaps it just slipped the minds of a few players, but there was something nobody had told him about ...

Sometimes in dreams we play out scenes which we probably surpress in life, they tend to have little meaning if they closely resemble things going on around you. In dreams ...

*Peri* He looked around over the heads of the other players, searching for anyone who might look like they just teleported out of a cave. 'Who's this guildmaster guy? Is ...

*Jackie* The island was simple, and seemingly uninhabited. He must have been sitting on the shore for hours, crying on bursts when he allowed himself to dwell on whatever had ...

yey ^_^ *Jackie* Father had warned him about taking the boat out on his own, for several reasons. The mid-april seas where the most unpredictable, a boy who had a ...

Perhaps she has forgotten about us...

*Peri* The guild was huge, and full of people who looked like they where there for business. 'No trading or marketing items. No hounding other players to join your guild. ...

Nice work. This was a very gripping poem, and flowed really well from beginning to end. It left me with quite a sorrowful feeling. It makes sense even without the ...

(Note): Peri's a healer, so restoring health isn't really a problem for him, less he runs out of magic or can't use it. You've got to give him that because ...