Tenyo

Hey there. I'll get the icky stuff over with first. The rhythm of this in several parts was out, and some of the phrases are awkwardly worded, or improperly punctuated. ...

Amazing introduction! I loved it. The second paragraph was not so amazing. It was a little confusing, and didn't seem to fit much. I'd suggest just cutting that bit. There's ...

This is interesting. I love the contemporary outlook that a lot of todays younger writers surprisingly lack. There's a few nits to be picked though. Word-tag-syndrome; words like 'said' and ...

Mullings of a Failed Musician Extract: January 15th I got a guitar today. It's cheap, and doesn't have an amp, but it's the thought that counts. It cost me thirty ...

Haha, very cute. I can imagine a small child tying themselves in knots whilst thinking about this. 'Nowa' days' - I like the little hint of slang, I'm not sure ...

*Jackie* Somehow the ocean seemed to be washing away any ounce of creativity Jackie had left. The models in his sketchie (the name he gave for a smooth black folder ...

Sorry for the long time no update, I have a few projects on the run, but I'm still in this if anyone wants to puppet Peri around. I'll try to ...

Basically I was wanting answers for these questions. Try to think non-fictionally (No goblins in the garden of vampire boyfriends.) You can answer in this thread or if there's anything ...

My first tip would be that there's too much, too fast. Once I read most of it I worked out what was going on, but the beginning was too puzzling. ...

Interesting piece. I really like the way you blended the euphoric feeling straight into panic quite seamlessly. The idea of waking up happy, and then starting to worry about where ...

Generally the theme of death is depressing, and these kinds of poems drag, but this is pleasantly thoughtful. I like the ideas you've put forward. I have to agree with ...

The "O" Thing isn't really working for me. Maybe it's the technique, maybe it's just the big hole-shape on the page, but it just doesn't look pretty. The verse is ...

Okay, icky stuff first. This needs work, a lot of it. Title: The rule of three is awesome, except when it fails, in which case it is a complete disaster. ...

Okay, icky stuff first. "People, laugh" - comma is in the wrong place. "You're heart is crushed" - 'You're' means 'You are.' 'Your' is the word for belonging. I'm not ...

Sorry my reply is late :p I still have a copy. I haven't yet finished but I've read a fair bit through your novel, and unfortunately once again I have ...