Teague

Very well done, I liked the voice of this piece. I could really feel what the speaker was feeling. Simple and straightforward, yet eloquent. The imagery and the voice are ...

Icicles? Lol. Arizona + Icicles = something really, really wrong. We got hail a few days ago though. [/rambling]

It was good. Not my type of read but still good. I liked how you build up the fact that a missing character could had been a demon. However, your ...

He clenched them tighter, and lifted his right arm to cover his eyes. Clenched what. His hand or his eyes? If eyes, you don't clench them, you shut them tighter. ...

Deleted. Check my blog as per reasons why, in the entry entitled "Sigh."

Wow. That was an amazing twist at the end. Nice job. Very nice job. I really have nothing more to say than excellent job. Very deceptive, very cool. You kept ...

Nice, I remember reading some of your other stuff. A few things # You use speech tags too often. Dont be afraid of "said" - said is your best friend. ...

Deleted. Check my blog as per reasons why, in the entry entitled "Sigh."

I just finished reading this book and I was fairly impressed with it. It's the first James Patterson piece I've ever read. It's the first in a series of books ...

I found the style simple and easy to follow. However you say "Steven" far to many times, we know who the scene is about so "He" will do just fine. ...

Deleted. Check my blog as per reasons why, in the entry entitled "Sigh."

Welcome to YWS! Glad to have you here. :D I'm going to warn you straight off the bat that my OCD turns me into a Grammar and Spelling Nazi. Sincerest ...

Do you have a title for your book? Just curious. If there's one major suggestion I have to make, it's to work on your sentence fluency. Some sentences are ill-formed ...

Unless it is absolutely necessary for the story, you should name your characters. It is agitating for them to only differ between "young" man and "old" man. Seeing that you ...

Once again, punctuation, spelling, and grammar are your friends. I'll be happy to fix all your errors again. Also, I like this much better than your other piece, but I ...