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Re: DELETED
I pulled my iPod out from the front compartment of my backpack and jammed the ear buds into my ears I think that's how it's spelled. When I woke up ...
Jul 22, 2008 -
Re: DELETED
As I walked down the hall , passing the nanny, and I heard her thoughts, “Hey mom, I heard dad’s and the nanny’s thoughts . T hey’re having an affair ...
Jul 22, 2008 -
Re: Runner
I liked it. It was written well. The descriptions were good, but at the same time they didn't slow things down. The entire time I was reading this I really ...
Jul 22, 2008 -
Re: A Siren's Voicebox
One of the first things I noticed about this piece was the good description. I didn't spot any grammatical or spelling mistakes, so the only thing I can comment on ...
Jul 22, 2008 -
Re: Cuddles and the Girl
Welcome to YWS! You have to do two reviews before you can post a story or a poem, but I'll go ahead and review this piece anyway. You should get ...
Jul 18, 2008 -
Re: What the Silence Screams - revised
His heart failed to beat for several seconds; that possible without dying? If this isn't supposed to be taken literally, what's it supposed to mean? “Shut up , Hendricks! “Check ...
Jul 18, 2008 -
Re: Regen: Chapter 0.5
The fingerprints had worked. Gordon had tried to get him to try something a little more practical, but he'd liked his own idea better, which entailed him literally stealing Jones' ...
Jul 18, 2008 -
Re: Lost in the forest
and the world spun around him as [s]and[/s] he fell, face-first, into the mud. 'Arghhh!!!' He groaned, wiping the mud off his face with his sleeve, which was already torn, ...
Jul 18, 2008 -
Re: Whaat do you mean subject?.. its about a pink skunk.. i dont
the skunk and his crew have been sailing nowhere and everywhere and back for some 300 odd years Nowhere and everywhere? What's this supposed to mean? Just say everywhere. Something ...
Jul 18, 2008 -
Re: wolf hunt
I’m scared to death, but still ex c ited. I look at the rest of the pack, who all seem as excited as I am . All off a sudden ...
Jul 18, 2008 -
Re: Delihla Bee- a girl who lives in Hell, literally
But other times... well it's living hell - literally. I think. I live in Hell. But it is not what most people think it is . I t is simply ...
Jul 15, 2008 -
Re: Autumnwood
The above-mentioned advice is good. Split some of your paragraphs, and try a little more showing and less telling. They had developed a writing and learning system that they used ...
Jul 15, 2008 -
Re: For Your Pleasure
[/quote]They are dark, dirty, and angry. Puckered and broken and used. Revealed, like this, in the eyes of a scrounger, in the vomit of a drunk, it becomes even more ...
Jul 15, 2008 -
Re: Boulders
I enjoyed reading this story, it seems well thought out, and it's entertaining. I didn't really spot any flaws, except maybe this one: No implants were needed for that. I ...
Jul 15, 2008 -
Re: The City that Forever Sleeps(Part II)
I like the ending. It kind of reminds me of Resident Evil, but it's probably different. Your writing is good, so I would continue if I were you. I thought ...
Jul 14, 2008
