Suzuhara

Hi Turity, you bring up some valid points and they're things that I'll look over as I try to revise this. Thank you for comments!

Hi Gryphon, thank you for your suggestions! I will definitely apply them to make it better because I agree with what you said. I wrote this in thirty minutes without ...

There you go; you just ended the story on your own. :) This is flash fiction. I can't waste precious words on something obvious.

Thanks snoink! I've never heard of the book you talked about. It hurt me that you thought I took the "idea" of someone else's story and created something else out ...

Hey Fawkes! Thanks for the review. I'm glad you like it. I'll see what I can do about Zackaria's character. Thanks again.

Hey Pringle! Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. I actually have a new chapter one and forgot to update this, but I still appreciate the fact that ...

Thanks for your suggestions Serendipity! It's a 13 syllable poem, but I'll cut it up to make it flow better. I also replaced the cliche line. Thanks!

Thank you Thevoiceinside and Ariana! Yeah, this poem reflects how I feel about loneliness since I'm feeling it right now. Thanks for the encouragment as well Voice! Thanks for your ...

Thank you Threnody! I'll be sure to use your suggestions as I think they help. Thanks again! Suzu

*crosses fingers* I hope this version is better. :twisted: BRAND NEW CHAPTER ONE!!!

Thanks! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have posted this. It's a segment in the middle of my book.

That's fine about the simplistic voice just as long as you change it along with the character as his complexity grows. Reading it over again, I didn't think it was ...

*crosses fingers* I hope this version is better. :twisted:

Thanks Jigs! I'm grateful for your comments. They're just what I needed! This an old piece that I wrote before I learned about not using "to be" and words like ...

I cut this in half so it would be easier to read. Please review! Thanks. I appreciate any feedback whatsoever. :^)