Sureal

15,000... eep. Congrats to Jack and Cass 8).

‘Will she survive?’ ‘I don’t know. Maybe.’ ‘Doctor, I need more information than that.’ ‘I’m sorry Lord Militant, that’s the best I can give you. She took a long time ...

In fact, some male lions eat their baby cubs. So really your story right now makes no sense. Lions don't eat their own cubs. They kill the cubs of other ...

Gal: I am the master of the F words.

‘There we're few survivors’ - we’re is short for ‘we are’ - you’re after the word ‘were’. ‘Four years had passed since the ancient spell was muttered and changes had ...

Granted, but you're corrupted by the Dark Side and become all ugly and evil and stuff. I wish my life was perfect in every concievable way, and that that I ...

Granted, but it'll only happen after you're dead. I wish the Earth was a cube... (what?)

There's an overuse of words such as 'said' - apart from the first two times (to set down who is speaking), these aren't needed unless you want to convey a ...

This is good, but could maybe do with more description of the scene. What does the area look like? At the moment we get the lion's brief backstory, plus their ...

I like it - it's intriguing, in that it opens up just enough to catch our interesst, to want to know a little bit more, without revealing everything. Although I'm ...

I liked your description of London :). With Yvette, may I suggest that it perhaps it would be better to describe her either after, or during the dialouge with her. ...

Wooh, go Jack 8). I'm only at 14,000. Need to catch up, but for some reasons my arm ache terribly - I think it may be the way I type ...

‘The wind howled in great gusts, blowing snow and ice against the base of a cliff. A figurein a white parka, huddled at the base of a narrow road. The ...

Yay for NaNoWriMo. I'm bored right now, so thought I may as well post up the first chapter here - however, you should note that this is the first draft, ...

Read the piece. Whenever you naturally pause stick in a comma (which is a rough guide, but it gives you an idea). I think the story itself is okay, but ...