Sugarbowl

First off, I think I should address this bit again; Josef Rodriguez gave nothing off, his slight tilt of the head the only reply to the prisoner I think "Josef ...

SEVEN Elliot sat on his bed and listened to Daniel closing the door behind him as he headed out for his drink with Kate. He tossed his mobile phone from ...

I liked it. It did what a prologue needs to do, without too much description or character development. It made me interested enough to read more, so well done on ...

SIX “So there I was, sitting on the floor trying to hid the huge cottage cheese stain on the carpet.” Kate put her slender hand over her mouth. “No way. ...

I just thought I should reply to that critique, because those two spllings you pointed out are in fact the correct British spellings :) So, since I'm in Britain, they'll ...

The good thing is, I liked the tone of this piece again. It was tense and precise like the scenes you're describing. It's nice to see its improved after I ...

FIVE That evening, Jess was sat on the sofa in the lounge eating a tangerine and silently cursing the May Ball. She was supposed to be writing an essay, but ...

((I've decided to split this novel up slightly after being advised to :D So here's chapter four. Reviews would be most appreciated :D )) FOUR Jayne woke up the next ...

It's definitely engaging enough to expand, as long as there's a story equally as engaging that you can come up with. If you don't have a story that you're happy ...

((Thanks again for the reviews. I've tried your ideas out and editted chapter 2 accordingly. Edits are in bold to stop you having to search the whole chapter for the ...

Overall, pretty good :) I do agree with Adnamarine about that particular stanza: To stay at home within the bounds of safety and old peace wouldn't bring joy like as ...

((Thanks for the reviews :D I'll take your advice and post the next part, which might make the first a little clearer. I'm going to post it in here with ...

I like it. A couple of typos you should sort out first though: and all the emerged was a strangled gurgling sound Should be "all that emerged" crying in teh ...

This one had me stumped for a while :? It is good. But parts of it didn't keep the tone that the last part had. I know the piece needs ...

This is my first attempt at a novel. Since it's made up of quite a lot of short chapters, I'll probably post future chapters in this same thread. For now ...