Sugarbowl

Overall, I liked it :D Not bad at all for someone who says they're not really a writer. As for your comment about character names, I wouldn't worry about it. ...

Again, I have to congratulate you on some well timed and very fluent description. The first paragraph of the second section was probably the best example of this. Arnold was ...

TWELVE Daniel looked at himself in the mirror above the sink as he brushed his teeth. He looked tired. His hair was a mess, his eyes were dull, and he ...

I thought this was great :D A rare moment of good-humoured fiction with those occasional "what the heck?" moments. You're writing was at times nothing less than bizarre, and I ...

As far as first chapters go, this pretty much did it's job. We get quite a clear idea of the strictness and austerity of the house where Alyssa lives, and ...

TWELVE Daniel looked at himself in the mirror above the sink as he brushed his teeth. He looked tired. His hair was a mess, his eyes were dull, and he ...

Wow, some pretty broad questions here :D But I'll try and do my best to answer them. Description :? That's quite a difficult one. You need to think about what ...

I love this type of story :D If you haven't already, read Orwell's "1984" for an idea of how to write a first-class dystopia novel. I think the concept of ...

ELEVEN “Elliot, it’s pub night tomorrow. I’ll go out then, but right now, I’m busy”. Elliot gritted his teeth. “Come on Dan, just come for a couple of drinks. I’ll ...

I'm afraid I have to disagree with GML. Although Toxic and the pregnant sister are both thoroughly unlikeable characters, I couldn't help being drawn to Dailey herself. She seems to ...

TEN Jess stood outside the hospital and breathed in the cold air. She was freezing; May nights without a jacket were horribly unforgiving. She’d already phoned Will and asked him ...

NINE Wednesday mornings meant one thing to Jayne; Donald Salmon and his blackboard. Well, technically that was two things, but Jayne wasn’t in the technical frame of mind on Wednesday ...

I think this is very much a piece with two halves. The last half of the chapter works very well. Your style of description is great, and very subtle. You ...

EIGHT Three days had passed since Daniel’s first attempt with Kate, and he was beginning to get nervous. With only four weeks left until the May Ball, the likelihood of ...

Wow, I really liked it. It took me a while to read it, but it was worth it in the end. I love the general idea of the piece. Love ...