Sugarbowl

Chapter 2- A Deadly Reality Dianne Stone had been the nurse at St. Walstan’s for just over four years, and she planned to stay there for longer. She loved the ...

For one of your first pieces, this is pretty good. It's always difficult to get much from something so short, but it is only a prologue and so the small ...

If you have trouble getting into the head of a male character, my advice would be to introduce a female friend. Personally, I keep a lot of things bottled up ...

Personally, I loved them. The stories they tell are completely unrealistic, surreal, and unbelievable, but the way they're told was, in my opinion, fantastic. For me, the most important part ...

I couldn't agree more. Having tried unsuccessfully once before to read it, I recently finished Catch 22 and found it to be one of the best things I've ever read. ...

First of all, It's good to see you're being slightly brave with this and writing it in an unusual form. You don't often see a piece in which the reader ...

((This is a novel I'm working on. I apologise for this being rather long, but that would make me even more appreciative of any feedback. Thanks :))) Chapter 1-Rude Awakenings ...

I'll try :? 1. Personally, overly sophisticated, mature and funny. Basically, I try too hard :) 2. Same as above really. But body language is a good weapon. A hand ...

It's not bad :) It didn't blow me away (if you'll excuse the wind pun), but it certainly did its job as a first chapter. You set the scene by ...

Wow. Completely not what I was expecting. Somehow, you managed to turn a piece that was entirely a suicide note into something that was surprisingly uplifting and refreshing. As you ...

In my opinion, that was the best chapter so far. You don't seem to have stumbled into any problems with your dialogue like in some of the previous chapters, partly ...

FOURTEEN The idea of checking up on Jayne felt almost laughable to Jess. Jayne was a grown woman, a grown woman that had, at times, taken great offence at being ...

I wasn't expecting that one :o It's nice to see your plot developing further, and the half-heard conversation in the woods gives us that frustrating, small amount of detail that ...

Again, I was quite impressed. It's nice to see a bit more of a plot developing in this chapter, as well as some slight development of characters. I have to ...

THIRTEEN Jayne left the hospital that morning after a relatively sleepless night in the uncomfortable sterility of the accident and emergency department. Even after spending less than twenty four hour