Stripes

First, let me say that this poem is extraordinarily good, especially given your age. I wouldn't be surprised to see it in a collection or on a school curriculum. It's ...

The sentiment behind this is heartfelt, and the message is evocative, but I feel like it's inhibited by the rhyme scheme. You force yourself into corners and cliches by demanding ...

I think you have an interesting concept here, but there are a few things I would address to take it to its full potential. The most pressing of these is ...

As they told me, black and sudden, a spider appeared on the wall. I leapt up, trembling.

(Short grammar note: 'heroes,' not 'hero's.') I found this essay surprisingly moving. I would have liked to hear more from your veteran--maybe a bit of a dialogue, not the whole ...

I think you're trying to say something very powerful with this poem, and after reading it three times and listening hard, I'm beginning to work it out. The chorus man ...

I like some of the structure you have going here--the places where the line breaks fall away, and the repetition of "don't know." I think you do yourself and the ...

This poem has a lot of power and intensity to it. I'm not sure what the title (which, by the way, ought to be capitalized) means--that's something you might want ...

I really liked this and thought it was very powerful. I agree with nixonblitzen on how some of the lines end with dangling words, but mostly I think this works ...

Oh...I suppose that kind of makes sense, but I didn't see it at all until you explained it to me, and we all know a poem shouldn't need to be ...

I actually really liked this poem. The metaphor is fresh and the language has just the right balance of seriousness and self-deprecation. I didn't feel like it went on too ...

Hi! I really like this poem and think it sounds very mature and professional. You get the emotion across without sounding whiny or particularly adolescent. There were a couple of ...

Hi! I really like this poem, actually--the imagery and the rhyme/meter give it a Victorian feel that works for the story it tells. The only big issue I found was ...

Bilgerats! I wrote a critique for this earlier, but I must have previewed it and then forgotten to hit "submit," because it seems to have disappeared into the ether. Let's ...

Hi, Kat! I am at last reviewing your story...sorry for the delay. :oops: As I said to certainromances, romantic lit isn't my favorite genre in the world, so I'm never ...