StoryWeaver13

This love , this one love , sinful is her crime, Not quite sure I get what you're saying here... Our bed sheets were shaken without thy presence. Why "thy?" ...

I thought, since you'd been keeping up on my novel, I'd take a look at something of yours. So glad I did. Seriously, this is...brilliant. I wasn't familiar with the ...

Chapter Four “So how’d your therapy session with Mr. Shorts go? You know, before you took an involuntary nap on his floor.” Dad was clumsily juggling a coffee and doughnut ...

Chapter Three “Marra? Marra, can you hear me?” Light flooded my irises as soon as I opened my eyes, and it took me a second to realize that I was ...

Ohhh, so cute! Okay, so arguably it looks a little like a dog but I don't care, it's still adorable.

And, of course, it started to rain. So there I huddled, in the dirt, shivering in the rain. Rain's used twice, and it makes it repetitive. Okay, so my general ...

Chapter Two "Marra, are you okay?" Mr. Shorts barely had any time to say this before the rest of the world was eaten up by splurges of tiny black blobs, ...

He’s only(?) in exactly one of her classes. He’s very athletic and extremely smart. He’s really into music and videogames. Saying he's in exactly one class just seems a little ...

First off, welcome to the site! Okay, so for a starter piece this isn't terrible at all, but my problem starts from the first line - it sounds like it's ...

Prologue Where was he? Dear God, please don’t take him. Don’t take another person from me. “Perry?” I called, my voice ringing through the hollow black winter air. Footsteps shuffled ...

Okay, so I'm really not a sci-fi/fantasy kind of person, but this is pretty cool. I think you have an interesting character, as her flaws are just kind of intriguing. ...

Everia Ev eyed the other passengers nervously. When she saw a face that looked more reassuring than the last, her expression loosened a little. Now and then she even gave ...

Finished editing. Just tell me if I need to fix anything. Name: Everia (AKA "Ev") Remir Age: 17 (16+ please) Gender: Female Reason For being outlawed: 3rd born to a ...

It was a neat freak ' s worst nightmare come to life. Thank god I wasn’t one of those people. So with that I began the super long process of ...

Okay, so the first reviewer did a really good job picking this apart, so I'll just emphasize a couple things that really bugged me. This needs some cleaning up grammar-wise, ...