Stori

Sure you're "cut out". You just need some polishing. For instance, what does the girl look like? Is she tall, short, pretty? And why exactly does she think a demon ...

I stood on the cliff, soaked and miserable, waiting for dawn to come. My paws, scarred from climbing the rocks, stung as raindrops hit them. The water ran off in ...

Interesting, but what's the point? The whole thing is describing someone, but who is it?

Great pictures. The first was very funny.

"Yeah. You can get a pizza." Roc

This is much too rigid. It sounds more like a news broadcast than a fictional account. "The moon peered out from behind a cloud, bathing the man's figure in a ...

You all of a sudden started calling the main character Nye. Is his name Eric or Nye?

I would break this up. Maybe have each perspective as a different chapter.

So what does SPEW stand for?

He thought perhaps those mice disagreed with him. No one he knew had that mark; he'd thought it was unique. "So, you are..." he faltered. "Yes," said Alisa. "You are ...

My name is Phoenix; I know no other. I'm a Ciana, a cross between an elf and a cat. My kind are common in this world, yet I am alone. ...

I don't see how this relates to an earthquake. It's more like an old man's ramblings.

Wow. It grabbed my attention and held it till the end. A good piece. But where's the rest?

The sentences are a nightmare! They run into each other every which way. Try something like this... Noon sunlight poured down on the valley. The villagers stirred, smiling to each ...

Teo was shocked. "What? Leave now? I should at least tell one of the captains." "Come on. If we're quick, they won't even miss us." Tira nudged him towards the ...