Squall

Hey Charlie. This was pretty well written. It flowed very nicely and quite cohorant on the reader. I also like how the descriptions were also simple in its nature, but ...

Hey Mat, The darkness was absolute, blanketing everything that he knew and making it crueler. Excellent opening sentnece. He put a hand on Dave’s leg, and even through the blanket, ...

Hrmm I read the first Pendragon book. It's a decent read but too simple in my opinion. The characters are quite well developed in a sense and I like how ...

Hey Mat. This was quite well written as a whole. Simply crafted, simple descriptions but works well in establishing the mood of the setting and how the character feels. I ...

Hey there. Ok first of all, this piece doesn't really have such a strong base. Tricksters, Master, CD, stars, planets and galaxies. How are they related? Can you elaborate as ...

Hey Suzanne :) First of, I quite liked this. It was quite compelling and refreshing to read, and the way you presented the theme was quite creative. Your prose and ...

Hey Mat. Ok. I spotted some minor grammar mistakes which you can spot when you proofread. Ok, now I think there needs to be more imagery in this piece. Your ...

He was tall, lithe and confident, a man whose every gesture suggested he was the master of his environment. That bit is an info dump and I think you can ...

Hey Reakeda. I would like to say that this was quite well written and the flow of it overall was quite smooth. In some places, it was rather hard to ...

Emotions of the character is told, not showed, making it irrelevant from the piece. Show us the reason as to why he felt that way. Draw on from the environment ...

Descriptions in this do well in setting up the environment that your character is exploring, but the idea behind this is cliched. Dragon egg used in the plot...hrmm it sounds ...

Hey there. I actually quite liked the idea of this. There was a firm base to this piece. However, it needs some decorations. I actually believe that Nel has potential ...

As a fable, this works quite well. However, if it was a novel, then it lacks content. There was once a wise old sage who traveled the world, searching for ...

Ok, what is the point of the first part of this piece? It doesn't really show the overall picture of the piece. Then you dumped Yuki's image onto us, which ...

Spelling and grammatical errors are scattered throughout this piece. I'm sure that you can pick them up by editing. How did Medley react with her surroundings? What were her emotions/actions? ...