SapphireStars29

Everyone has already said so, but... it's sad. Elaborate on her weakness more. Describe her pain, too, like “then the pain came” doesn’t really cut it. I want to read ...

You put "withing her" instead of "within her," I assume. Small thing, I really liked it. My friend went through a similar situation and you really hit the nail on ...

I like your story a lot, but some of the grammar is off and you switch between past and present tense a few times, making it sound strange. Like you ...