Rydia

Good action scene here and I like the parallel between the enemy soldiers and the 'good' side. Your humour continues nicely, I think Caboose's comment about the tank was a ...

Hello again! I think this chapter was a little more drawn out and not quite as funny as the last but it was good and the new character is brilliant. ...

I've heard about this series actually. Not much except that a friend of mine was categorising our group as the characters and said I'd have to be Simmons because there's ...

You have some beautiful descriptions here and a very well paced introduction. I think that chapter one needs a touch more character description but the setting is lovely and the ...

If I repeat mistakes that others have already indicated, I apologise - The line went all the way along the short [You appear to be missing some words here.] “Next,” ...

This is good, there's some vivid descriptions and the characters are well introduced. My main criticism is the beginning which needs more description. After reading your first part (which is ...

This was interesting. I think the concept you're working with is good and you have some reasonable characters but it could be improved. At the moment, it's a little flat. ...

Ninja Star! You have some very pretty imagery here, dear and a good use of vocabulary. I think your rhythm could be improved in places and some of the lines ...

This is pretty. I think some of your imagery could be stronger and the flow is a little rough in places but you have a beautiful theme. My first suggestion ...

My first impression of this is that it flows smoothly and you have a lovely theme. I would suggest that it feels more like narrative poetry than lyrical though? Because ...

I believe I promised you a crit, yes? Haha, well let me see, I think I'll try to answer your questions first. Was I hooked? To be honest, at first ...

I really like this. The setting is absolutely beautiful and you develop your characters so well in such a short piece of writing! The scene is so easy to visualise ...

I believe your first assumption was correct, adrian. Times twelve by two for each two feet and each two eyes of the disciples and you get twenty-four. So, first the ...

A very entertaining little poem and well, I can't resist giving you a quick critique... I sit and stare. I hem and haw. I rub my aching head. The moment ...

The hill was steep. Alden could have flown to the top without trouble, but Aloysius was too weak to be carried by air. [Too weak to be carried but strong ...