Rydia

A few brief suggestions for chapter one - ‘Clip from the extended version of the Two Towers. It’s the ent [I think you mean end?] water bit.’ I brushed this ...

This is very well written and I see little room for improvement. However, I would like to make a few comments and suggestion: At the beginning, you talk of the ...

This is absolutely beautiful! I almost don't want to critique it because my suggestions will be so inadequate beside such a lovely poem. But I will try... The cherry-blossom petals ...

Hello! Okay, I think I'll start with a few specific comments and suggestions: The lights hurt my eyes a little as I walked into the village square, but I didn’t ...

Hey there, Kalli. Sorry it took me so long to get to this... Happy Birthday [The first thing that needs to be considered is your title. I like how misleading ...

This was good. I can't say that the plot 'twist' was completely unexpected as it wasn't but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I'd like to see a deeper, more gruesome description ...

This is developing very well, your characterization is wonderful, the emotions are portrayed beautifully and the plot is structured well, it fits in very snugly with your narration. However, you ...

A few small points first: I walked into the kitchen and held up the note as if I was brandishing a lost piece of treasure. “He’s gone home. [A strange ...

Time for a more in depth critique now that I've read both chapters but to start, a few small comments and suggestions: "Yep. Thrilled." [Comma rather than full stop.] I ...

Comments and suggestions first: “Rebecca! Dad's waiting! Let's go!” said Mom, trying to juggle all of her bags at once. [I'd suggest 'Dad's waiting, Let's go!' so that your dialogue ...

As before, I will pm the main file and suggestions to you. Overall, this is good, your plot is still advancing well and your characters are increasingly well defined. Take ...

I didn't like this chapter quite as much as the previous two; I think the action is a little rushed and confusing. You need to slow down a bit and ...

A few suggestions and comments - Lady Jasmine sat on a cushioned stool behind Lady Cassara, complimenting her[/olor] on how [s]good the dress looked on her[/s] [color=red]lovely the dress looked; ...

This has potential but I think you need to work on the details a little; add more description. At the moment, the action is moving quite rapidly which in general ...

LUKE We have that thing tomorrow, with Harvey. We should get home soon. Simone turns and watches as Luke disappears into the bathroom. James clears his throat, a mischievous grin ...