Rydia

Wow, it's been many years since I watched pokemon and so I don't know this character or the new storyline but I found this interesting. You switch tenses a few ...

I think this would be better if you'd got the full stop sign on but it's not bad. The clarity is good and I like the angle. The ST and ...

Ooooh. You have an interesting character here and I loved your descriptions. Neither too text heavy or too full of dialogue. A very good ballance. I have just the one ...

Some of the imagery in this is beautiful but I do agree that it's crammed with adverbs and adjectives. Don't get me wrong, I think they're very important to poetry ...

I certainly prefer the layout of the second and altogether, it's more poetic. The first is in sort of a prayer format and has similar language to such so yeah, ...

I get the vague idea she's dancing actually. Probably due to the checked floor...

Well Lance, Alicia, Cole (Sargeant), Crys (Commanding Officer), Lyaim (Greldan) and Dathan have met up and currently, Alicia is doing what she can to help Lyaim and Dathan who have ...

It was generally pretty good, just a few specific points to make - There was a time where he would hit people if he got upset. [Instead of where he ...

Wow. Now that's vivid colouring. She looks rather manly in a way. I think it's her face. Perhaps you should give her some eyelashes and such. Other than that though, ...

I'm going to agree that your beginning could be stronger but starting with the flash back might be a bit confusing. I'm not sure how you could improve that... Now ...

Heather turned back to see Nutty leaning against the wall, eyes closed and very clearly asleep. With a small smile, she walked back, gently lifted the limp body and headed ...

It's an excellent question that I have asked myself a lot lately because I have a decision to make. Next year I go to university and I must either follow ...

That's okay. Kevin I sat for a few minutes and, despite the early hour, called the bar tender across and ordered a drink. "Bad day?" He asked casually. "You could ...

This was a rather simplistic prologue. Add some more description, a little characterisation and work on your sentence structure. The idea that's there is okay but what you have so ...

The first one could be quite picturesque without the screen but with it, I'm not so sure. The second is nice but needs cropping. There's too much blue on the ...