Rydia

I like this. Some of your description is really good and you have a nice variety of sentence lengths. I'd be really interested to see where you go from here ...

You're right, not as good as the first but still very amusing and yes, now that I understand the pat Buchanan jokes, they're hilarious.Just a few specific points - “Is ...

I shall make some specific points first - They got at their stop and walked off the bus. [This would sound better as they got [color=blue]to their stop.[/color] Once they ...

I think this needs a lot more description of setting and characters and some characterization would be nice. Have the man a confident, violent person so that the reader is ...

The poem wasn't the best. It was rather vague and hard to understand. I don't think the first stanza was too bad but then it sort of dwindled out to ...

Skye I looked across at the man and nodded in approval before rising from my chair. "Where are you going?" Lethero asked. "To talk to him of course," I replied ...

Ah. I just read this on the death scene competiton and yes, it's much better without the POV changes. Your description is vivid but the piece is rather vague. I've ...

Thrown apart. A part of me. [I love how you've used 'apart' twice but split it the second time. It really emphasised your point.] Split to pieces, I won't find. ...

Celeste I wasted little time in watching the Hunter flee from the curious onlookers before moving to the final man. By this time I was tired and, being the last ...

Wow, you made some rather major changes. Is this rated? Only I think it should be now. As for the comparrisson, overall I liked the second version better. I do ...

Wow. That first is so colourful and it's such a breathe-taking close up. Seriously Claudette, I love it! The second reminds me of a scene from a fairytale. The lake ...

My older sister Claire has joined and she promises to post some of her art work this week. When she does, you should seriously check it out. My little brother ...

I found this really sad and the emotion is so strong in places that I was close to tears. You make the persona easy to relate to for anyone who's ...

Celeste "I'll leave you three to talk," I decided as I headed for the door. "We'll send the gold down to your house tomorrow," The woman promised. I nodded absently ...

Kevin Yet again my phone began to ring and I was very tempted to just turn it off but with a grimace I answered. "Hello?" I sighed. "Kevin! Where are ...