Rydia

The rhythm and rhyme were really irregular and, even though you were going for that effect, it didn't quite work. Also, I was really hoping for the cryptic message. Perhaps ...

Hi there, it's nice to meet you. What books do you like to read? Any specific favourites? Heather xx

If you meet up with my character, her manager and the random dude she met, you can kill one of the two sub characters off. In fact, they're currently at ...

Hello again! A lot of your action is rather sudden and you might want to work on that. I was rather horrified at how casual your characters were about the ...

The visual aids are nice but shouldn't be necessary with a piece of writing. You need to take a chance to describe your characters. Not all at once of course ...

Okay, you've probably gathered that I have a bit of time on my hands so I'm going to make quite a lot of suggestions... “I has your name on it, ...

Jayne I checked my watch and decided that a short walk before dinner wouldn't hurt and with a campus so close to the beech, who can avoid the temptation? I ...

Yera "Don't call me that! Well, if I could hazard a guess, I'd say it's got to be your sister's cooking," Martin grinned and both Tabby and I rolled our ...

Skye "It was very nice of him. A shame we didn't have enough money to pay him the full amount. I liked him," I agreed as we rode through the ...

Falcon "You seriously know nothing of the Fortress? Well then it's fortunate that you found me. You know about the war at least I take it? Well, the owner of ...

Scipio shrugged and together, he and Heather raced after Nutty and Alice. "So where are we going first?" Alice asked. "How about the magic shop?" Nutty replied. Alice nodded and ...

Fortunate for you, I'm in a morbid, slit your wrists kind of mood myself. I liked this. Your dialogue is good. There is an awkwardness that fits the moment and ...

I'm still here but my character is rather seperate at the moment...

I found this quite interesting but, like others have mentioned, the dialogue wasn't great. Love the description of the girl. Rather twisted but good and it's nice that you didn't ...

Hello again! I think I like Kiera very much. She's certainly my favourite female character so far and makes a good companion for Brad, yes? Anyway, a few suggestions - ...