Rydia

Lily Ariana and Zire returned and I rushed over to greet them. Ariana's eyes were hopeful and stubborn but Zire looked a touch nervous. "We're moving camp," Ariana announced. "Where ...

Carla "Hello Terry," Carla called, causing the man to jump. He turned and observed her with deep, blue eyes. "Carla. How can I help you?" He asked. She tilted her ...

Alicia I moved closer to the other Arcanite, recognising him as Llorinlir, and smiled up at him. He returned my greeting with a slight nod before casting a concealing spell ...

Kate A lot of rumours were going around about a slytherin being friends with a gryfindor and many people even claimed it was Sedry and Lindsay. "Hi..." I hesitated as ...

Hmmm. I believe you need a werewolf, yes? Name= Olivia Pierce Age= 26 Appearance= In human form, Olivia is tall with long, dark hair and stunning, golden brown eyes. She ...

You're doing fine Dynamo and it's nice to have you with us Sasquash. Welcome to YWS! Julia "That's a long time. I wish I lived that long," I remarked. "It's ...

"I'll take her to her room," Scipio offered. Adam nodded and gently Scipio lifted Alice and carried her through the door. "Adam..." Heather hesitated. "Yeah?" "I know this probably isn't ...

Cool. Now you just have to fit all of that into the script without info dumping ;)

The tree is simply gorgeous and the woman is nice but I agree that she's too large. Also, I believe she is sat with her legs crossed? If so, you ...

They're interesting and the third intrigues me. I take it those are the hands of your characters but if so, why do you tell the reader what happens to them ...

1. Ooooh is he about to set off on a heroic adventure? Lol. His stance is perfect, a good angle, a beautiful sunrise and great silhouette technique. 2. It's alright ...

Ah. That makes more sense. I'd not heard of the Hostess pastry company so I suppose that's why I didn't understand it but I did get the second meaning. Thanks ...

I agree that the rhyme is simple and the last line of your first stanza feels really forced. It doesn't quite fit with the rest and I think you've put ...

Hmmm.If Claudette can't understand it all then I have no chance but I can comment on your structure, use of words and imagery... Your cavities and fork-tongued smiles trace out ...

Stay with us Kel. Please? Your character's personality can be recovered, afterall he is yours. I'm sure everyone here will strive to write your character as you want him. Also, ...