Rydia

Wow, way to throw in a whole bunch of new characters. I liked these scenes but you do have a tendency to bring in lots of sub characters before you've ...

Kate "He did what?" I demanded, jumping to my feet and pulling out my own wand. Calder, a Gryffindor in his fourth year, opened his mouth as if to call ...

"That's not a bad price," Marie murmured, causing the other occupants of the zepplin to spin around and draw their weapons. "What are you doing here?" Ashton demanded. "Helping out," ...

Amelia "Might as well," I replied. "Thanks. It's nice to have the company," Kerasd replied as Iraska and Raina banked South East towards Canyon City. "The dolphins brought a man ...

First off, this piece is really short so add description and try to get a bit of characterization in. Have the mother hesitate and argue more before she gives in ...

I loved the idea of communicating across time through an arcade game. That's really fresh and original. You could improve this with a little more description of your characters and ...

Kate I looked back at Alice in surprise. "I... I don't think I should," I sighed, glancing away. "Why not?" Alice asked. "Well it's hard enough trying to keep the ...

Julia "Me too!" I said. "Or at least until I find a husband." Actually, you all seem like really nice people and I could do with some help," Ryouku declared. ...

**I shall try but feel free to shout if you don't like it...** Lilly "Hey. What was that?" Kate asked as a tremendous roar echoed through the trees. "I'm not ...

"Hey, that's my sister!" Scipio exclaimed, catching Heather and lowering her to the ground before grinning across at Alice. "Someone needs to teach her to fight dirty and to expect ...

Kate It seemed I wasn't the only student eager to be on a broom. Soon, Alice and a Ravenclaw I recognised as Jesse Nally, had taken to the air. I ...

Name= Amelia Nickname= Lia or Amy Age= 19 Hair= Golden brown, waist length, often worn in a single plait. Eyes= Bright green, like two peridots. Figure= Tall and slim. Very ...

"Looks like Matt's down," Scipio remarked as he circled Bella. "I think he hit himself in the head," She agreed. Scipio nodded his agreement and moved in, swinging the heavy ...

Julia "Hi Sonya!" Luna greeted the girl I'd met earlier. "Hi," She replied, observing our strange group. "You should have asked the healer to look at your sun burn," Karana ...

1. Very picturesque. Those trees are beautiful and the buildings in the distance make for a really good background. 2 and 3. The second is best but the scene is ...