Rydia

Just one quick comment on the dialogue - DEE Ouch! Dee, your precious little niece is throwing cookies at me! [I think this is supposed to be said by Rosie, ...

I think I like the scene because it adds some background history and gives a reason for Nora not seeming too social at this point. One suggestion though - And ...

The others seem to have caught all the mistakes but I'd like to make a general observation. This part was interesting but not only was it short, it was also ...

I didn't mean to upset you Clau but I'm so glad you actually liked it. I was rather worried about this one which is why I've sort of held it ...

Thanks so much Claudette! I've fixed the typos and I'm looking into doing a re-write without the 'story within the story' technique. I'm not even sure why I wrote it ...

Our Beach Bring your children to our critical beach. Release them. Let them wander through the grains of scorching sand and wade through waist high water. Observe these stones scattered ...

This was going to be called a moment without sight but then I had one of those brief moments of inspiration and changed it. Perhaps you'll understand why if you ...

Amelia I grabbed my necklace back and checked it for damage. Fortunately, the clasp had been loose so he hadn't needed to break the chain. Fastening it around my neck ...

Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that we really appreciate all the critiques you have given to other members of YWS. Here are a few suggestions - Children ...

I really enjoyed this. Your description is good and you've used short sentences very effectively. As far as plot is concerned, there's certainly enough to interest the reader and the ...

A few suggestions - [s]Glancing[/s] He glanced over at the sleeping griffon and then returned to his searching. Most of them had lost his trail and [s]where[/s] were searching carefully ...

Luke "Well maybe I like seeing you," I blurted. "But I suppose I could teach you a little defence. Jamie always carries a spare sword... just defence though and you're ...

Olivia As soon as Danny's feet touched the ground, he hurried over to me and pulled me into a tight embrace before examining my wrist. "Did he hurt you bad?" ...

I think this section needed more description and the repetition of the 'dead things' got rather annoying. Can't you give them an official name or something? Or perhaps refer to ...

I was thinking of him initially but then, what better moment to introduce male werewolf number one?