Rydia

A beautifully written review and the book sounds a bit like one I'm currently reading so I'll have to try and get a copy and see if I can't include ...

Oooh. These sound interesting actually. I think I'll try one.

Hehe. I've used untitled before and you're right, it's rubbish but it's better than 'pain' or 'loneliness' for sure. To say that this was rather vague, it's still very useful ...

This looks awesome! Name= Samuel Fawkes Gender= Female Real name= Eleanor Fawkes Age= 16 Position= A squire. Probably the only female squire. Appearance= Eleanor is a thin, scrawny girl with ...

This chapter reverts to the reporting style a bit which is too distant for this sort of story so consider revising that. Also, you should have probably spent more time ...

Again, some pretty good descriptions, great action and an accurate representation of a military camp from what I know about them. I think the characterization still needs improving and that ...

Ah, now this part is much better. You have some good action, some great description and you're showing the events rather than reporting them. I like the description of her ...

I have to agree that it sounded too much like a report. Instead of relating all this information, why not show it? Take us through the girl's first day in ...

Tylar I was wondering the same thing myself. I mean, what better way to prevent the war that the kadikoy were going to start? Glancing down at my hand I ...

I second this. I grew up with Redwall and Jaques was my favourite author for a long time. Something like from the age of eight to the age of thirteen, ...

This was a nice prologue. Easy to understand, flows well and sets the scene well. A little more description never hurts but that can wait until later chapters and your ...

Dahlia "I'm not sure but it has to be believable. Perhaps you can pretend that I attacked the camp and you caught me?" I suggested. "I can't do that," Kenran ...

Caleb "So you got another test?" I asked. "No. I think this is sufficient. You think you can gain Kurokawa's trust?" Tiny asked. "I don't know but it's worth a ...

Hey there Matthew and welcome to the site. I'm Heather and it's lovely to meet you. To sort out the avatar thing, place your mouse over the button that says ...

A good chapter, my friend but a few typos the others missed and you should replace some of the 'Knall's with 'the shade' and such. Sweat rolled off of Knall’s ...