Rydia

Kate "Sara? Lindsay?" I mumbled as consciousness slowly returned. I found myself crumpled on a cold, stone floor with a nightmare of a headache. For a moment, I was confused, ...

Daniel I opened half an eye to watch Aaron dart away and then closed it again and drifted into a motionless silence. I think it was perhaps an hour later, ...

Hmmm. I think you start this one well but parts of it could be phrased better and some of the imagery needs improving. Also, the two rhymes you've used don't ...

In general, I liked this but I think some of your dialogue could be improved and there are parts that are awkward or where the grammar is a little out. ...

This isn't really a fiction discussion or tip and if you want to read scary stories, search through the literary forums. You should find plenty amongst other fiction.

Arianna I stood back to back with Lucy and breathed deeply, calming my nerves as one of the creatures approached. I heard a scuffle behind me and realised that Lucy ...

Oh wow. That's really sad =(

I'm with Phindin. Besides, it's much more fun to be with the minority... Name= Mishca Gender= Female Age= 24 Alliance= Technology Race= Human experiment. History= Her appearance is slightly warped ...

Well done Jiggity, that's great news! Congratulations!

Nice. Do my hammers get a mention too?

In general, the new version is better but I have a few (more) suggestions - And chose to be merely content [This line doesn't make sense now and it should ...

No, like a full-stop.

Eleanor Fawkes "Shouldn't we hurry if we want to stand a chance at reclaiming the letter?" I asked, amazed that no one was moving yet. "Just a moment, my boy. ...

In general, this is a fun little poem but xalabaster is right, you need to write it in one tense. I'd suggest present, that would work really well for this ...

And I suppose that's my introduction, thank you very much Max =) Hey Heather, I'm Heather but if that's too confusing for you, call me Kitty. Don't worry if you're ...