RileyStone

Interesting. It's not the most captivating, that's probably something you could work, but I did like it. You description was awesome, I was convinced by everything you character was thinking ...

Okay, I absolutely adored this. It's totally unique and held my interest the whole way through. I'm dying to read more, seriously. My only problem with it was that I ...

Alright, first things first. I have to ask... are you really 12? This is amazing for a twelve year old, far beyond where I was at this age. Keep writing, ...

I like it, beginning is a bit slow, but it picks up and holds my attention after some of the other characters pop it. I like Jason's personality and character. ...

Overall, I liked it, but didn't love it. However, the ending really sold it for me. I loved how much personality the female character has, the impatience and attitude was ...

Just adding to Tiffanyann's reply. Make sure that you start a new line every time someone new talks. "It's lunch time." said her mother. "Can I take it to Zoe's?" ...

Your writing style is very pretty. One thing that I did notice is you sentences tend to be...lengthy. There's a lot of description and adjectives. Sometimes it just seems like ...

Honestly, I had a little trouble following, it just wasn't holding my attention. It's all just very ... blah I guess. Nothing really happened. And as stated above, I feel ...