Riedawriter23

Ooo, this is a very interesting plot so far. I like how you started out. That was cute. lol And you can add action to this! It would be really ...

I like this. It's very easy to read and flows great. I also like the story behind the whole thing. I'd like to know more about this character, er, these ...

No! NOW they disturb Kyle and Jon?! You have to be kidding me. lol, I have to admit you had me going though, nice job on that. So...they didn't kiss ...

*Cries* That was sad. :( At first I was happy because Jon and Kyle were getting along and in the back of my head I knew that this was when ...

Awww, poor Kyle. I though he was going to die, that was terrible I almost had a heartattack. I loved how you made it sound so freaky, I mean Jon ...

Ariel still loves Jon, I knew it, and now she might get in the way of Kyle and Jon which is a bad thing because she's supposed to be getting ...

Wow this was really nice! Sad but nice, and this was your first topic? Great job. Now down to correcting(I don't have much to say so this won't be bad ...

This was very...interesting. I liked the idea of it all but it all seemed a little random to me, maybe if you brought it just a tinsy insy bit closer ...

Ariel! I know I said I hated her like...maybe four minutes ago, but she's such an interesting character. I can only guess what Jon is feeling and that guess would ...

Awwww a baby? That's so cute, and starts a lot of conflict. I never knew that Ariel had become pregnant, but then again that was probably your intention. lol The ...

Okay, again. I'm different. I did feel sorry for Sarah in this. I didn't know that she was doing all of this for Jon, otherwise I'd probably have liked her ...

That was....very random Lucy. lol Um....I don't know now I'm totally lost! give me some time, I'll come up with something.

Oh great you made me think....Now I'll have to look that up, maybe later. lol I really liked your analogies and descriptions, and again I say, you made me think ...

lol, this is really cute. It's cute, funny, and descriptive actually. My favorite line: swirl like a milkmaid churning butter. Up. Down. Ceaseless whirling. Devouring my heart *Very creative, especial

Hm, this was very nice. I do have to say that the "Lover not meant for this World" part gave it a certain rythym. But it was sort of getting ...