RedRaven

Prologue In a world where Prada, Gucci, and Chanel reign, how can you expect to be different or abstract? How can you be an individual in a town that shuns ...

I really liked this. I don't have anything negative to say about it. One thing I noticed though, was you could fix the pacing on your poem. It was a ...

This was fantastically well-written! This was really interesting. The plot was good. I like the way you described certian things. I also loved your introduction. I don't have anything critical ...

“She passed out again… her throat is inflamed and her heart rate is abnormal. We couldn’t get the tube down her throat due to the inflammation.” I ease my eyes ...

Thanks for the critique :) Most of my story is in present tense. I put that passage in past tense to show that it was something she DID not something ...

I force myself to shuffle into Miss Keats room. The blinds on the window are drawn, and her chair is spun backwards. I see the top of her head as ...

“Hi Mona,” I greet her cheerfully as I walk into the common room. She glances up from the book she’s reading, her blue eyes wide with excitement. “Hey…” She whispers, ...

Mona and I are sitting in the common room. She smiles weakly at me. I keep a straight face. “Isabelle…” She murmurs, frowning. “Look… Mona, it is okay. I can ...

I liked the idea of the poem. I wasn't expecting the ending twists. A few things I'd suggest for improvement: 1) Stanzas: Splitting your poem into stanzas would make it ...

I’m sitting in Miss Keats room, in a plush leather chair. This room seems out of place in a mental hospital – the walls are sky-blue, tall oak shelves filled ...

Hey Hibiscus, I liked your poem. You had good uses of imagery. I noticed a few things though that you could improve on: 1) You slip right through crinkled fingers...of ...

Nice poem. It was short and catchy. I liked some of your descriptive words. Keep writing! - RedRaven

I liked the beginning - you grabbed my attention right away. The thing is though is that you have to keep it that way. The rest of your story didn't, ...

I’m in the cafeteria… alone. I’m in the cafeteria alone. There’s no one to protect me from the demons who whisper softly to me. The temptation pulls me to the ...

This was good for your first poem. A few things I noticed though were: 1) Description. You should describe the hole more. The reader knows that there's a hole, but ...