Ray112

yeah, you're right. Just the avatar movie made me so mad that i wanted to make my on screen play of it xD.

Dude your poem confuses me. :) But the imagery's great and it seems to have a story to it. I like it. But it still confuses me. Maybe that's why ...

This is pretty good Emzee. The imagery is pretty good. It sort of made me feel like I'm falling into a black abyss deeper and deeper in to my subconscious ...

Yeah, I have to agree with EMzee on this one. This poem has so much flow and passion to it. I really like it. keep it up :)

thanks :) I appreciate it. I'll revise this chapter with your tips in mind. Also, I revised the first chapter from since you last saw it. If you could give ...

hey thanks naplemaster. YOu pointed out somethings that I didn't even noticed in the revision stage. Any way my novel is called The magician's War. It's in the fantasy section. ...

oh no that's okay. I just really need someone who can read my stuff for me. I'm gonna finish this one.

Thanks for reading! Btw if any of you have read my first chapter previously I'd like to make you aware that their have been some changes to the previous chapter. ...

Okay, this can be really good, especially if you're gonna do this as a spoken word piece but there's just a few problems. For starters I think the number should ...

So I like the continous metaphor in this poem. The title is Shadow in the room and the thing the voice is describing is in fact the shadow in the ...

Hey I like this especially because my dad was one of the people who fought in the wars. And also, because I live on a military base I know a ...

oh then could a monitor delete it for me? My bad.

i'm looking for someone who can really rip through this and junk. Tell me what's wrong with it and where I need to fix it not just conceptually but grammatical ...

hey i'm looking for someone who can really rip through this and junk. Tell me what's wrong with it and where I need to fix it not just conceptually but ...

Okay! so i've taken in all of your suggestions. I've edited the first chapter and ended up changing the names a bit and i'm happier now. I believe the names ...