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Re: Star Wars: Republic Commando
My brother posted his SW fanfic? No way?! Time to crit! *rubs hands together* So they all wonder, why me? Each of them could have had a normal childood, but ...
Oct 22, 2008 -
Re: Prologue and Chapter One- Lost
Yay!!! *tackelhuggles* Time to crit your stuff again, Audra-chan! Critting as I read: Gothics are evil, devil worshippers. Blondes are dim witted. Females, especially young ones, are weak and helpless
Oct 22, 2008 -
Re: Worst Book You've Ever Read
Well, I haven't read a bad Star Wars book. =P =P Well, I haven't read all of Twilight (stopped after the first chapter). I read the first Harry Potter book ...
Oct 22, 2008 -
Re: Who Will It Be? Part 2
Onward I critique! XP Reading as I crit...I mean critting as I read: His eyes were filled with rage and his body had tensed up. I had seen this look ...
Oct 7, 2008 -
Re: Who Will It Be?
Hey howdy! I've come here to crit this fanfic. Oh, it's a Naruto fanfic...? Great, they're my speciality. ^_~ I'll crit as I read, 'kay?: - 7 years old - ...
Oct 7, 2008 -
Re: The Dress of Promise [1/7]
Hey, there! Naruto specialty...muahaha Anyway, I shall crit as I go: Sakura stared into the mirror of the changing room cubicle that she had incapacitated herself into. Incapacitated herself? That ...
Oct 3, 2008 -
Re: fight!!!
Hello! I'm here for the cookies! Oh...a Naruto fanfic? Sure, why not? I'll crit as I read: Kakashi was lecruting Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke. They weren't listening. I'm sure you ...
May 29, 2008 -
Re: Star Wars
Hey there! Star Wars favorite. Muahahaha... :D Laser fire on the left, laser fire on the right. So first of all, I think you should choose a better word other ...
May 29, 2008 -
Re: Unloved- Chapter 1 Savior (edited)
Hi, here as I promised! Critting as I read: The ally ways began too clear of its shadows I believe you were looking for "alleys". ^^ And "to". You also ...
Apr 19, 2008 -
Re: Bittersweet but Beautiful
Hi! This is a very powerful poem with excellent word choice and imagery. ^_^ Good work. A life in a face, how odd— a bittersweet opus of ivory and blood. ...
Apr 17, 2008 -
Re: Red Eyes- Chapter 3 Hitsugaya
Konbanwa, Lizzy-chan. Critting as I go: The white haired boy opened his eyes, to see he was in a log cabin room. You need a hyphen between "white" and "haired". ...
Apr 16, 2008 -
Re: Rain Drop
This was very good. I enjoyed it. You need to add in your capitalization and puncuation. I think you need expand on it more and add more similes, personification, and/or ...
Apr 16, 2008 -
Re: It's Time.
Konnichiwa. I would like to start off by saying that the repetition in this really works. I especially like how it is repeated at the beginning and at the end. ...
Apr 15, 2008 -
Re: Gaara
Hello. As the others have said, you have repeated "eyes full of loneliness" too often. If you want to say it so many times, I suggest integrating it to other ...
Apr 15, 2008 -
Re: Unloved- Prologue (edited)
Okay, I'm here as resquested. ^_~ I shall...crit like always! The blade pierced into my chest shedding a thousand crimson tear drops onto the ground. I love this sentence. My ...
Apr 15, 2008
