Poison

The only thing is is that this has to be in first person or else the story won't work. I was planning on editing this anyways, but I can't write ...

9/10. I love it, but I can't read what it says. This is going to haunt me now....What does it say?!

Never seen it, sorry. :P TUBM once danced the "Hokey Pokey" in the rain.

Go ahead, tear her apart! (Sorry it's a little long. It's not even the whole prologue, but I couldn't post half of half a prologue.) Prologue An eerie mist was ...

8/10. I like it!

Okay, here we go. My corrections are in bold. There he was. There was Bethany's best friend--kissing Jade. This first sentence confuses me. If you switch to Chauncey's point of ...

I don't have much critique for this. It was both really good grammatically and story-wise. I found it interesting that you decided to use a blind girl. I am visually ...

Now here, He Broke That Shield Of Armor And Showed Her The World; His World. it may be grammatically correct (I'm not entirely sure), but, to me, it doesn't really ...

Crit ticket. Remind if I haven't come through after two days.

Sorry for the delay again! Please let me know what you think of this chapter, I really, really need some good reviews. A special thanks to all those who have ...

Nope. I'm pretty heartless:D TUBM is wearing purple penguin pajama pants that are too short.

Hi Sarah! I'm Poison/Rachael. Call me whichever you wish. Welcome to YWS. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. I find YWS is a very nice writing forum. Everyone on here is ...

I feel this deserves a critique. So here we go. Sorry it can't be a line-by-line crit. But I will point out the big things. Okay, the first thing I ...

“Oh, it’s perfect!” A black, grand , piano stood in the middle of the café with white keys shining in the spotlights. “I wanted to bring you here this morning, ...

Edits are in bold. I hope the layout of this is not messed up. If it is, then please excuse it. I was'nt concentrating on grammar, just the story. Tell ...