Pickwick

I agree with all your points. Ill be sure to make adjustments. I think the Prisoner Character needs well.. characterizing more. At the moment hes a little mixed up. I ...

Ok, because of formatting I have attached my screenplay start as a PDF. Critiques welcome. ((note: because of th format I do not expect you do go into depth with ...

Chapter 2 – The Order of Blood Karz hid, silently, behind the hedgerow. He peered through some bramble, careful not to cut himself and trained his eyes upwards, across the ...

Chapter 1 – Fools of the Fort A woman in silver and red garments, elderly, observed the workings of the black fort. Its entry into the mountain was the source ...

Pacing again. You are cramming too much into a little bit, not allowing the user to breath. There is so much I dont understand and I feel its a slog ...

Ok, I dont like the way you have handled the first person here. I think it would work best in third person. You call the master "my master", Im not ...

A Note for Readers: This story deals with homosexuality in teens through fantasy. This is the beginning, I have a little more but a clear picture of wear I am ...

Karz shot his pretend air-gun at Ramwick across the orchard and watched merrily as his friend fell to the ground in a mock death. He ran up to Ramwick and ...