Phoebe

Indebted for the critique and the advice, as always, Jasmine--thank you, thank you!

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I second Sureal. Generally infodumps are to be avoided, but the fathers of fiction used them quite often, didn't they? And we still generally accept them to be masters of ...

I think you will find that you will receive as much (or more) constructive feedback than you could ever dream of here. ^~

Psh. That's so old-fashioned. If you have a good reason for doing it, and it works, then do it. The rules exist to be broken (but only if they can ...

I have to say, I'm not incredibly fond of the use of brackets. What was the point? Was it supposed to add emphasis? If so, why are those particular words--incredibly ...

Thank you both! ^^ I see what you both mean about the dash in the first line, and the second-verse-cum-run-on. I'll see what I can do when it comes to ...

Since you asked for assistance, let's dissect this line by line, yes? To love... As this is your title, it does not need to be repeated; that just bogs it ...

Lullabies aren't generally known for their incredible versatility, so I'd say the repetition is fine. ^~ As it is, this comes across as very soothing, and I wish I knew ...

I can't say I particularly liked this, order; it has something of the feel of a hymn to me, and while the music may be moving to some, the poetry ...

I have to say, I don't hate it for the reasons I think you feared--but truly, I cannot say I like it at all. The repetition is mind-numbing, and while ...

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It seems bubbles-my-dear has taken all my points, right out from under me--and before I could give them, too! Showing is always the best way to go about this, in ...

While I agree with Snoink about the two lines that are, as she mentioned, based primarily on cliche (usually, though, note, not always, something to avoid), I'll admit that I'm ...

Just so you know, you have misspelled words--"untill," "didnlt," and various times, "i." When this site has a spell-check built into it, this is unacceptable. I refuse to take you ...