PenguinAttack

To start with the minor issues: in the second sentence of the last paragraph “first” should be “fist”. In the third sentence of the first paragraph, I don’t think the ...

Some of your wording is a little odd in this scene, but I have to say that I like it. It brings a sense of the unusual to the scene ...

Tsk, stick me with the taken ones why dontcha. Sugar and Matty... You two would be so adorable together. ^^ And of course I shall pair myself with any and ...

I quite like this. I enjoyed the flow you created and the stnzas have their own individual meaning. I am also a large fan of the marrionete image, I like ...

Hello Misc, dear, lovely to see you in the forums. ^^ Now, with your peice you seem to be lacking some punctuation. While I am not usually up on all ...

Okay, well... I don't know what that was. It seemed to lack purpose, as much purpose as a poem can have. You use of backets as asides was distracting, and ...

Firstly, you need to have a space in between your period and your next word. You also need to use speech marks when people are talking and to make the ...

Part One I see a girl running in the night, from what, is unknown. - “From what, is unknown” needs to be rewritten. You’re in first person because you are ...

Okay, to be honest, I read the first few lines of this and thought I wouldn't like it at all, it didn't really jump at me. But, continuing, I found ...

The hallway was deserted. A very unusual occurrence for a hotel. My black polished business shoes were the only shoes walking around. It was 4 in the afternoon, which surprised ...

"Kitty," the voice begged. "Have you seen Corrie?" At first I thought this caller was a creep who had nothing better to do than to ring people and ask them ...

Chapter One Elliot Sanders lay flopped down on a regal white couch while vigorously pushing the buttons of a joystick. His formal tie and expensive suit looked out of place ...

Hi there Kyuuketsuki, Okay, to begin, this poem seems more of a narrative than anything. It has a clear beginning, middle and end as well as the story telling elements. ...

My Sugar is so cute! I don't know if I am going to be pimping you out at all, love, you're just too cute to let go at all. *huggles* ...

Aiya, Poprocket... No wonder you're on the Sexy Council... My gorgeous gal. ^^ and the YWS shirt looks fab.