PenguinAttack

My fingers twitch. Her hair is tousled so alluringly that I almost reach out to her. Still, the spark in her eyes as she flinches back angers me. She is ...

I am beyond sucking for not getting to this earlier! I am soooo sorry! Uni and then distractions and then! *stops excuses* I’ma do it now. ^^ You are three ...

Oooh, I like this. You've a good stream of consciousness feel to this, and it works well with the theme - or central idea - that I can see. I'm ...

Oh, I like! Not nearly as quick as the others, and your dialogue felt right, it felt like it belonged. "Johnny jumped, right off the swing and somehow managing a ...

Updated.

Are you into puzzles? Played all the “who done it’s” with Agatha Christie? Perhaps you’ve played Hercule Poirot or Miss Marple before? If you have, this is the place for ...

Happy Birthday Mister Universe. :D May it be filled with joy, laughter and glitter of allllll colours. *hearts* Le Penguin.

- Your first paragraph, while good on the information about the comings and goings of the squat, repeats “Johnny” too many times. Have a look at this, you should notice ...

Thank you all for your comments! They're much appreciated. I've altered it slightly, although I'm still not happy with it, so any other comments are to be loved and cherished. ...

Hey there. ^^ I think you want to re-arrange your punctuation a bit here, you've a lot of full stops which means a lot of statements which means a lack ...

Hullo poppet. Okay, to be brutally honest? This sounds like a pity me poem. One of those poems that just kind of whinge a bit about how life is and ...

I really like this, Lilly. I'm afraid I can't quite put my finger on why. The periods annoy me, but I feel that they suit the poem very well, the ...

You're set, Birdie. ^^ *hearts* Le Penguin.

I think your first four paragraphs would do better as one or two paragraphs, as it is they’re only two lines long each, you need to make them a little ...

Ohio is right about this. It is the mood you have captured so well, and it is the mood that id so difficult to critique, for every piece should just ...