PatrickMulvihill

I like it! Your description is rich and gives a good sense of the dream-like mood. I personally thought the phrase "Tuxedo man with the magical moves" sounds a little ...

Thanks for your input! I do agree that "cause" doesn't quite fit with the mood. I just thought "because" would break up the rhythm a bit so I cut it ...

The Other Side by Patrick Mulvihill Let me tell you a story of a soul Lost, alone, with no control He walked alone Until one day he stumbled down to ...

Watch out for dense "Wall of Text" paragraphs. Instead, try to vary your sentences, long and short for easier reading. Remember, getting your reader to plow through thousands of words ...

Very good story! I like how the style is reminiscent of old folk tales like Coyote, where characters learn lessons. The exile of the witch at the end was a ...

Hey, everyone. I took some of your tips and tweaked the poem a bit. Hope the change helps a bit.

Thank you for the great tips, guys. I'd have to agree with everything said and very useful points. I'll work on editing it for a whlie. ;)

Heaven’s Gate by Patrick Mulvihill Clouds sing softly, swimming in a morning breeze Fly away so slowly, air so warm but veins that freeze Closed eyes, you’ll dream today. Hoping, ...

I am sometimes a literal person so I might not have the same interpretation of your poem but I thought it was great. I felt a lonliness and isolation in ...

Quite an intense introduction with fairly deep views on life. I was intrigued by the opening. I do suggest a smoother transition between the disscusion of deep philosophy and the ...

I love the spirit of the story. The cheeriness of the character and his optimism at the experience is vivid in your writing. Your flow was good too. It never ...

Thanks for your response. I have done such web activities already. I see the cliches but this story is supposed to be set in a typical fantasy setting, not a ...

Here is the medieval fantasy novel I've been writing for a long time. I'd like any kind of feedback and suggestions. I just need readers! This is the first draft ...

Interesting story! Some cool descriptions in there like comparing the cieling to the stars. One aspect I would tweak, however, is that the story starts off on a one dimensional ...