PaperMoon

Hmm...well I noticed you kept a relevant iambic pentameter until the last stanza, add some syllables so it's a coherent work. I thought your reference of the sun loving the ...

how come it's called idiotic boyfriend if it's about a girl? :P Haha, just kidding, I think before I speak and read before I write (I read June's post). So ...

I first want to thank you for your bubbling review, it brightened my day. I also want to thank you for allowing me to use one of my words: chiasmata, ...

Hey, It's nice to see your work up and available. A writer reveals themselves through their writing, so, in that sense, I get to learn a little more about you. ...

Let me first say that as Editor-in-chief of a lit mag. and Copy Editor of the school paper, I read a lot of students' works and submissions. That being said ...

Hmmm... it's nice, reassuring, to find talent in one as young as yourself. Granted skill and age are not connected by any more of a means past our minds, but ...

Hmm... Well I definetely think you have something here with the theme of your poem, it is similar to a poem I recently wrote and posted, Bloom of the Rose, ...

Turtle, I think you have genuine feeling about your topic, but I don't think that's translated in this poem. The repetition of the primary line in each stanza is fine, ...

Hm, I wanted to use Audy, but its been taken, I'll have to be original, perhaps scarily so...maybe Au (of Autumn) + S (of silence)= aus or Oz. Yes, I ...

Fair enough. Though do keep in mind that I think everyone's critiques were meant to be constructive and even style has its limits, but whatever, I digress. To each his ...

Well I guess some people want to know more about me, so let me think. I am the Senior Copy Editor of my school's newspaper, Editor-in-Chief of the school's literary ...

Hey hey, I know you don't really know me, but you posted on my thread (which I appreciate) and I figure the best way to get to know another is ...

I agree with karibbean, the title doesn't seem to fit your poem. The first stanza, with "the distance:a mile" (I don't really know how to quote yet...) was really good. ...

I think that when you, or rather your speaker says (and I don't quite know how to quote so I'll make due): "Do they talk, to the pebbles, on their ...

Bloom of the Rose Thy soule the fixt foot, makes no show To move, but doth, if the’other doe. Thou art a rose to me, a flower Most serene, yet ...