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OrangeNailpolish

  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Moment

    watching the it close its eyes in the sunshine. Remove the word 'the' "close your eyes." ... "just shut your eyes" he pleaded. "please?" A little issue with capitalization. 'Please' ...

    Jul 7, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: The Prophet Chapter One

    The class then shut there mouths and sat down. ... "Now, today we're gonna start a new topic. Algebra." The class all groaned. Sentence 1 - 'there' should be 'their.' ...

    Jul 4, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: prologue

    Dark, ominous clouds covered the moon; casting a shadow over the valley as rain began to fall. Although the semi-colon should look right, it doesn't. It looks like the sentence ...

    Jun 28, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Pure Chapter 1

    “Samantha Sampson, wake up this instant!” A loud crack filled the room as ruler met desk. The sleeping blonde girl woke up immediately as the teacher glared at her. It ...

    May 14, 2008
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: The Dragon Knights

    Jing sat at the small table he used for as a desk when writing his tales for the minstrels of the village. Is it "for" or "as?" He gaver her ...

    May 12, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Waiting out the storm

    It's been another late night at school, dark ness already flooding the world at five oclock. It's tuesday - she skipped work again, whilst the proceeds of our scarse money ...

    Feb 20, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Abyss of Dawn -- Prologue

    “ As well as or better than I , you know that is a lie. You cannot hate me now. That point of no return has already been passed.” I ...

    Feb 19, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Inner Peace

    The millions of twinkling stars dotted majestically on the vast cloudless night sky seemed to be holding a conference with each other. That's a lot of adjectives, I would recommend ...

    Jan 29, 2008
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: What a Summer.

    You're off to a good start. I picked out a few errors though. With my friends, guys, bikinis, and the Jersey Shore is what make my summer worth looking forward ...

    Jan 27, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: My story so far

    Ch1 Rebellion “What , are you serious!” Kaneie yelled at the messenger. The crowd began to yell and complain. “Please please everyone calm down,” the messenger pleaded. “How can we ...

    Jan 22, 2008


trust your heart if the seas catch fire (and live by love though the stars walk backward)
— E.E. Cummings