-
Re: Deleted
Prologue: My hands shook as I put the key in the lock. When I twisted I heard a very soft click . It was one in the morning, three hours ...
Nov 15, 2010 -
Re: God's Tuesdays [1]
Hello there, StoryWeaver13, you've got a little story up your sleeve! I love it! There are no nitpicks, really, no massive big issues that you need to change. It flows ...
Nov 14, 2010 -
Re: Can You See Me? (Prologue)
Ok, I like this. The bit at the end was a bit hard to understand, but on the whole, the chapter was good. I saw the title and it just ...
Nov 13, 2010 -
Re: The island
Ok then - this has got potential, but I think you may have to work to make this story unique and original. The whole fainting-lots-and-bad-dreams things has been used a ...
Nov 12, 2010 -
Re: Lovely Nights: Unfinished Chapter 1
Hey, Someone - great name, by the way. :wink: You've got a little story on your hands, but do try and make it original. Make sure Allysa May doesn't get ...
Nov 10, 2010 -
Re: A Tomboy's Life [1]
Ok, I like this, though I find it just a little bit hard to understand - but maybe that's just me. Your language is great; I loved the first paragraph ...
Nov 7, 2010 -
Re: Signals - The Prologue
I actually quite like this! I've not read many books about future sight so this'll be a new experiance for me. It's a good opening, and your language is fairly ...
Nov 6, 2010 -
Re: Dragonflies Chapter Two
Ok, nitpick time. :wink: CHAPTER TWO: A small knocking noise came from down stairs, tapping on the =('the', perhaps, might be better) door. I turned around and =(no need for ...
Nov 4, 2010 -
Re: Dragonflies Chapter One
Ok, let's start with some nitpicks. Dragonflies Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending - Maria Robinson 18TH ...
Nov 3, 2010 -
Re: Red Balloon (Chapter 1)
I really, really like this! I read the plot and it just grabbed me - I wish I'd thought it up! The idea of a girl with a balloon that ...
Oct 30, 2010 -
Re: Chapter 1: New House
Generally, quite good. I'll certainly be back to read more - that's the main thing that I think makes a book good. However, consider it a big, BIG bonus to ...
Oct 30, 2010 -
Re: Fire-bird chapters prologue and chapter 1
I wanted to do something romantic so here it is! ~pointe Prolouge: He stood there looking through the cracked glass of the town-hall window, his breath distorting the picture of ...
Oct 28, 2010 -
Re: A Green Baby named Who? chapter two.
Definatly better than the last chapter, though I daresay you sometimes need a little more description and your paragraphs are a little all over the place. For instance: The following ...
Oct 28, 2010 -
Re: Chasing Time [1]
Ok, when I read the plot, I was really looking forward to reading it. The idea has a lot of potential, certainly something I'd like to read about, but when ...
Oct 28, 2010 -
Re: The Other Girl in the Tower: Ch. 1
Very good, I think! Your description and grammar is great, though I did notice this: "Rapunzel," she carefully , "you know Gothella would half kill you if you even tried ...
Oct 25, 2010