Mossyra

It was excellently written, but with a few punctuation and spelling errors. Also, a little nitpicking--there are 52 weeks in a year, not 48. For the spelling, it was just ...

An interesting beginning, and well-written. The only thing I really noticed was that you usually leave out commas when one person directly addresses another, such as “Doing what sweetie?” and ...

It definitely needs some revision, mostly just stuff a good proofread will fix, but I like it. Some awkward phrasing, fragmented sentences, and a little bit of repitition, to be ...

It sounds good, but I'm not quite sure of one or two places. One example is: The real only one thing they desire... This should probably be written as "The ...

This is great! Excellent story structure, well thought out, and a good flow to the story. I like how you change some phrases to fit better, like "shrimping out" instead ...