Mea

Thanks! I sort of have a slight problem now in that I was sure nobody would upvote this and I was fine with that because I don't really have time ...

Thanks for the review! This is really important feedback - I'm glad my edits went better than I thought they did (And a big thanks for the upvote.)

Funnily enough, the extra conflict was actually supposed to be the blaster in the tunnel. :P This was super helpful, though, particularly your tips for what she would notice when ...

Oh wow, I've never actually read 50 Shades of Gray but I couldn't help but wonder if it was motivated by that. Looks like I was right. :P

Upvoted! I'll probably come back with a review later.

Upvoted! Definitely a huge improvement - I really liked your revisions.

Thanks for the review! :D

Hmm... I'm kind of loathe to do that because I've kind of fallen in love with Jan's voice, but maybe it would work. Or maybe I should make him more ...

"Cavernous" just means really big. :P Like a cave is really big. I'll definitely keep in mind your thoughts about the ending. In my mind, she made her new creed ...

"Cavernous" just means really big. :P Like a cave is really big. I'll definitely keep in mind your thoughts about the ending. In my mind, she made her new creed ...

Well Kirn was *definitely* supposed to come off as creepy. He's really sort of been taking advantage of her for the last year or so and this is her breaking ...

Note: This review has been deleted

Ooh, yeah, that sounds really cool. You're great at imagery, and I think it'd be a great sort of mystery to figure out exactly what happened to him.

Ah, I see that now! That's really interesting, thanks for the clarification. :D

Awesome! Looks like you're way ahead of me. xD I'll be sure to go back and read that.