McDanny

Thanks guys for your comments. I'll change some of my sentence structure around when I get the time and can be bothered. I'm going away soon for three weeks but ...

I don’t remember how I died, or anything that happened before. It’s probably for the best- at least this way, I cannot long for the warm caress of a sun ...

Good to see we're so cheerful today. There were a few points I especially liked, the 'constant drawl of tension' and last line in particular. However, there are a couple ...

Good day, my name's Dan and I'll be your reviewer today :) I can see immediately that this is not the sort of story I would normally read; it's a ...

Thank you Saramander, but this IS a two part story; many of the things you brought up are explained in the second half. I can also assure you that 'my ...

“I knew you’d come,” were Elsa’s first words when I stepped into the apartment. “And I knew you’d say that. Let’s just get this done quick.” She smiled wryly. “Of ...

“Well, you’re looking very dapper,” were Grandpa’s first words when I walked into the room. It was true, if I may say so myself; my hair was combed into a ...

This is going to seem a little savage, so brace yourself, and I apologise in advance: I had no clue really what was going on, the romantic dialogue was rather ...

I'm not sure if this was intended in a rather satirical way or if you actually have some deep-seated grudge against kelp and I'm meant to take it seriously. In ...

I'm going to be completely honest; I only read the first couple of paragraphs before noticing how long it was and remembering I had other important stuff to do this ...

G'day, I'm McDanny, and this is the part where I dispense totally unfair criticism towards your work. I was quite impressed with the amount of action and story you managed ...

I'm not sure what to make of it, mostly due to the length. It's looking good so far, but it would have been nice to have seen a bit more ...

Okay, I think I've fixed the formatting issue. It was much easier to read in the original document but YWS did something weird with the spacing... anyhoo, hopefully you'll find ...

I'm not quite sure where you're going with this; so far it's got some good ideas but no real plot construction (which, considering it's only the first chapter, is to ...

Ok, first of all I'd like to thank all you guys for reviewing. Just a few responses; To be grammaratically correct, this would have read I remember what I had ...