Master_Yoda

Granted, but you die, joining him in the afterlife. I wish I could turn invisible at will.

Hi Stori While this opening is short, it is pretty effective. In fact, although I would under normal circumstances complain about the amount of dialogue, I don't think that it ...

Thanks so much asxz :). Great review! How many points would you like?

Hi Stori, As Blink and daydreamer have both said, there is far too high a concentration of dialogue in this piece. I would elaborate, but Blink has said it far ...

Hi asxz Could you do me a favor and review this story: I'd like you to critique it firstly on its readability, secondly on it's believability, and finally on it's ...

Chapter One The warmth in the air was not unusual. No, even in the cellar the radiator could create such an effect. The feint glow of the light bulb, illuminated ...

To Jasmine, SilverSunlightX and to avorpianikness, Thanks so much for your your reviews, they are much appreciated. You all pointed out that my ending was extremely brief, so I think ...

A soft, silent whimper touched the edges of her swollen lips. Tear marks stained her fragile face, and a sticky, salty sweat stretched across her cheeks. She opened her mouth ...

Hi there Stori, This is a very nice piece, I'd just like to make one suggestion. Maybe you should switch: Doesn't anyone remember Avari Tigersong? with: Does anyone remember Avari? ...

Hello there madel! Welcome to YWS. Before I even review this I'd like to point out that correct punctuation can really help you make your point, and is an invaluable ...

Hi There Vox :) I really like the idea of this piece, and you also write beautifully and eloquently which makes it a pleasure to read. That said, I don't ...

You can tell that this website has more girls as members, and there is a clear sign of sexism against the male gender here. As such I will be chauvinist ...

The fourth book in the Maximum Ride saga, The Final Warning. It wasn't like it was badly written, but Mr. Patterson kept trying to preach about global warming in almost ...

You're right HopelesslyandIrrevocably, this truly is a weird piece. Personally, I have to say, I didn't really find it appealing, and I think the reason for this is that the ...

Hi there Mars, I have to say the idea of this story was exceptionally intriguing. You took the story of Cinderella, and aimed to make us question the validity of ...