Masquerade

Hi Bastion. Welcome to YWS. I found this an enjoyable first chapter. It was easy to read, but not simplistic, and you already seem to be developing a nice strong ...

Okay, well this looks like an exciting story, but you have so many errors that it's difficult to read and really enjoy. First off, your paragraphs are huge, and some ...

Hello GreenLight. Well I found this rather interesting. The writing style you are using here is rather peculiar and effective in places, but it also gets a bit confusing. The ...

It seems like you've got the start of an interesting story, but to be honest, this was very difficult to read. There are still a ton of weird grammar mistakes ...

Hello, hope you are having a nice day. I certainly had a nice time reading this prologue/chapter. This sounds like the start of a exciting, fun story. It reminded me ...

Is this going to include some sort of commentary on the education system? Because I'm getting that vibe and I think this story would lend itself well to that. The ...

Hello. Before I dive in I've got a few nitpicks that stood out to me: "There came a peep from a mound of comforter and afghan on a bed against ...

I think you have a really good idea here with this essay, but I think it could do with a bit of tightening up. I think it's an interesting topic, ...

Hello, I'm back for part four! Well this started out very exciting, and I was totally expecting it to be some sort of supernatural being attacking, not another group of ...

Hello I'm back for part three with another review. I like how in this chapter you've already started setting up big conflicts, that I assume will be important to the ...

Well I thought this was another great section, though I do honestly think you could split these last three sections into separate chapters. Their content is different enough that I ...

Hello. I loved the first part so I came back for more. Once again another great piece of writing. I'm really enjoying watching Morris grow up and seeing how his ...

Hello. Well I thought this chapter was pretty good. The writing was a little clearer than in the previous one and you seem to be developing Maverick's voice. I noticed ...

Hi, Masq here. I really enjoyed reading this piece. You have a very interesting writing style. I get a sense of synesthesia from some of your descriptions which I think ...

Hi smanske15. I thought this chapter was very interesting. Particularly the second half when you started getting into the action. The writing of this chapter seemed fine, apart from several ...