Mars

Hey! Like Dusty, I really enjoyed this, but there are a couple of things that could use improvement: Can One chart the course of one's destiny? I don't think 'one' ...

Hi! Believing in myself got me everything in life that I could want for from myself. I would reword this so that you don't repeat 'myself' here. from softball, to ...

Hello Rach-Erin, welcome to the site! The rule here at YWS is to review two other pieces before you post any of your own, dear, and then to keep a ...

Hello! What are you doing after detention? I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something. I'd italicise this as it's a note and not part of the ...

I'm back. =D then a town rose up out of no where. *nowhere (one word) They grasped Miss’ wrist, and [s]upon seeing it was fine,[/s] let her go. I'd cut ...

*pounces* Sheanna’s voice shook so much it alarmed her[s]self[/s] Sheanna knew she didn’t mean it [s]as[/s] harshly [s]as it sounded.[/s] I cut that last part out because you repeated 'sounded' ...

Hello! “Cathper??” Try not to use double punctuation, it's not good if you need two question marks to convey what one and your verb should (if that makes sense). “A ...

I'm here, finally. :) It was nearly eleven o’clock when Sheanna woke up again. She woke up [s]without her large jacket on and[/s] only her long-sleeved pink polo shirt, stiff, ...

Upon finishing part three: ZOMGSHWOW. Yep, that was necessary. Seriously, this was exactly what I wasn't expecting but in a wonderful way. I love the way you started it off ...

Hey Lily! Nala was a tool of destiny. Her only responsibility was to separate the soul from the body and pass the soul on to the white-winged Angels of Deliverance ...

Hello again! Something to become or to put out of view Period after view. Overall, like Bear, I don't have much to say that hasn't been said already, so forgive ...

Hey Kamas! (Sorry this has taken me so long. :? ) Anyway, here we go. Saluted your commander. Learnt to never surrender. Hope would reign.... I really like this first ...

Word Count: 5,093. :P Let's get to it, shall we? :!: So, first of all, there are a couple of typos: I think you wrote nowhere as no where once ...

Ooh...this would be a fun thing for writing activities. A teenage girl walks from the top of the middle meadow path, wearing the uniform of the near private school. Her ...

Hello! So you know, I have read the first part, so I'm not totally clueless, and I can't believe no one has reviewed this here I go! “How about the ...