Madhatter66

This piece of writing lacks in true emotion of the main character, you are speaking too much as if it was your own experience, and your language and style used ...

Is this story sopposed to be a spoof? the ending kinda made me think this hehe. Well if your trying to make this story seem serious I think you should ...

It seems like a trusting story, you have promise in your skill at a writer, but you need to develop your story much more so that it keeps the reader ...