Loose

cliched? ive never read anything like this before, which is why i wrote it. and yes, you should be sorry.

you drew them? myy goodness

oh no, not another fantasy fan! lol, welcome to yws

i have dollar coins... i like them much better than say... a $5 dollar note. If i have 5 1 dollar coins, i feel richer

so... what your saying is... my regular teacher isnt crazy... what about the one i have on thursday? she let me spin on my chair for a whole lesson cos ...

... a) no real hook. perhaps if you mentioned lillian was crying in the first sentence? b) " Lillian, you won't be leaving me and I won't be leaving you. ...

the beginnig threw me off too. never call a character Clara unless you plan to kill her off!!!!!!! grrrrr

hook. where's the hook? you need to keep the reader reading with interest. "A young woman sat in the library of her master's home absorbed in a book." isnt a ...

well, im terrible at critiqes for poetry... so ill just say :)

i saw this had no critiques so i decided to come to the rescue. Then i realised why. as was once advised to me " long paragraph eek syndrome" only ...

i dont know if im quite like everyone else, but i find things like this hard to read... you have a lot of paragraphs, but most are there for easy ...

dont we all feel like that at the end of the day? I know i do. Loved this poem!

lol... isnt it something to do with food.... thats what it reminds me of.... YAY BITCH HAT!!!!

ok... try to be severe here lucy.... for a start... whats the plot exactly? is it just some short piece you felt like writing to get the fact across that ...

alrighty *crakcs knuckles* lets get down to work.