Leja

There's this sort of tug-of-war thing happening throughout this poem, jumping back and forth between the viewpoint of the newborn baby and the people seeing her for the first time. ...

I found the "Thanks a lot, George" somewhat irritating. Perhaps you could also separate "system" and "Jenny" to make it clearer that this is a new idea. Yeah, I'll definitely ...

Don't be afraid of me My light is yours to take You lit me on fire and Even though a person's light and being lit on fire are two different ...

Be careful with the rhyme scheme; it really takes over the poem, which isn't the best way to go. When reading this out loud, if you stumble or it becomes ...

Welcome to YWS, Drifter. As Aedomir said, we ask that you keep a general ratio of two critiques to one post of your own work, but it's all good since ...

George kicked the sink lever. Thanks a lot, George. and now cylindrical rushes of wastewater stream out to people below, but they just go ahead. Somehow they ignore these water ...

Time of Incident: around 7:00 EST Browser: Firefox Template: Chimped Out Describe What Happened: From the "view posts since last visit" list, I would click on a link to a ...

The literature forums are only for original works created by the poster. If you would like to share or discuss a quote please do so in the Lounge or in ...

The literature forums are only for original works created by the poster. If you would like to share or discuss a quote please do so in the Lounge or in ...

[014. Burn: Take One: Olivie:] A few drops of oil spattered from the sauté pan and Olivie wondered how her mother had ever thought this might be a good idea. ...

This reminds me of an expanded haiku ^_^ If you're going to go with something so short, though, make sure that every word really matters. For example, in the first ...

I though they were allowing aid from Thailand and other immediate regional countries? I'm not sure though; I'll try to find the source... EDIT: I probably misheard (which is why ...

The pacing of this fits very very well with the topic. That aspect was perfect ^_^ There are some parts that seemed more external than internal: No. Nervous. I have ...

In terms of content, it's nice. Er, as nice as an apocalyptic/anti-apocalyptic poem can be. I just have trouble reading it as a whole. Each new line seems to be ...

There are a lot of images here, but they're all ones that I've seen before as metaphors for life. Why not come up with something new? I've heard life being ...